The day that everything changed started out (and almost ended) no different than the several days that had preceded it. Elese was 36 weeks pregnant - much closer to “term” than we ever thought likely, and had developed mild preeclampsia. The preeclampsia in combination with occasional bouts of contractions was enough for the doctors at UCSF to admit her into the hospital for the remainder of the pregnancy. This wasn’t such a big deal (in my estimation only) because we were making the trek to UCSF on a daily basis anyway.
So about four days before the BIG DAY, Elese was uncomfortably situated her small but nice hospital room on the 15th floor of the Long building, UCSF. Now as most of you know, Elese is a very organized and pragmatic person. As such, we had our “hospital bag” (really luggage) prepared for weeks. Between this forethought, and Elese’s parents, “Nanna & Pop” in town, the transition to the hospital was pretty seamless. For my part, I would spend much of the day ferrying back and forth between UCSF and our home, where our dogs, Ajax & Shakka, had been left to rule the roost. So this became the routine for several days – we would all converge on the hospital, each of us taking turns bringing food or magazines or whatever the need of the day was. For the babies part; they had settled down in the womb and were showing no real eagerness to get out of there. Though there was a sense that life would change dramatically sometime soon – we had fallen into a micro time-warp where we were suspended in a pre-delivery eternity. We had even started a “twins watch” on the dry-erase board in the room.
…..And on the 5th day (Feb 28th) of the hospital stay, I awoke to the phone ringing with an update from Elese. The doctors had been doing tests all night and had ordered Elese not to eat any food in case today actually was THE DAY. Under different circumstances this may have been cause for alarm, but for the prior 4 days and several weeks of false starts, conflicting predictions, hunches, etc.
Nanna & Pop were already at the hospital and I eventually made it there around lunch time. I guess this is a good place to mention that we now had Nanna & Pop, Uncle Jack (Elese’s Brother), Aunt Ellen (Elese’s sister-in-law), Uncle Jamie (my brother), and Granny Green Jeans (my mother) – who I had called during a false alarm days earlier to say “you better get on a plane” – plus a team of approximately 20 doctors, specialists and nurses parading in and out of the this small room. It was clear that Elese was going a little stir crazy, and clearer still that you did not want to be caught in the cross-fire should she get fed up.
The nurses checked in again in the early afternoon and told Elese that the doctors wanted another round of tests, so she was still forbidden from eating. To get some fresh air and break up the afternoon, myself, Jamie, Granny, and Pop decided to take a trip to Blue Bottle Coffee in Hayes Valley (a neighborhood in San Francisco). At this point I should have known today was going to be the day as reality had begun to take on a bizarre tilt. Here we were waiting outside of a closet in a nondescript alley in San Francisco’s answer to the Lower East Side, waiting in a ten person line for what had been touted as the world’s best coffee (Pop would come back weeks later and have his car broken into while he was waiting!). As I quickly try to research what one orders from Blue Bottle (The anti-Starbucks), I realize that right behind me, in the same alley, is an ongoing Goth/S&M photo fashion shoot – as in, I am literally almost in the shot. At the same time I realize that we have lost Granny. Where the heck could she have gone? We are in an alley, after all. Oh, of course, she has wandered into the Goth/S&M boutique for which the photos were being taken. I mean, why not?
When we had received our coffee and recovered Mom, we headed back to the hospital. We returned to no new news other than the fact that Elese and Nanna were waiting on yet another round of tests. By 5pm the nurses had come in to inform us that the tests did not reveal anything conclusive and concluded that the babies were not going to come tonight. This was very significant news because it meant that Elese could finally eat, after being restricted virtually all day. For those who have been around Elese when she is hungry…you get the picture.
Given how much Elese had suffered, Uncle Jamie and I decided we would go out to get one of her favorite foods – Fried Chicken! So Uncle Jamie and I headed out purposefully to “Front Porch,” a down-home New Orleans style restaurant reputed for its fried chicken. Given the number of family members that were now on “standby” at the hospital, we figure we better bring back a couple of buckets of the good stuff. We returned gleefully under the impression that we would welcomed as heroes….unbeknownst to us though, the doctors had visited Elese while we were gone and given her the crushing news that she was not allowed to eat after all – there were some inconsistencies with the latest test and they were running another. As if a day of fasting and frustration wasn’t enough, now poor Elese had buckets and buckets of hot crispy fried chicken in the room to torture her!!
Time began to drag by at a mind-numbing pace once again while we waited for more results. And then all at once a nurse and one of our doctors came in and delivered the message (the details of which I never got a handle on) – These babies are being born tonight!!! [Elese: The reason that we were delivering was because I had gone into labor!]
It’s a difficult thing to describe the state of excitement/delirium that mind goes into after days of endless waiting and false starts. We were all half insane at that point anyway. Now I was half insane and subject to an overwhelming rush of primal neuro-chemicals flooding my brain. The initial estimate was that we would go into the delivery room around 10:30pm. Immediately the team of nurses started their pre-delivery protocols with Elese. At some point I was given surgical scrubs, a matching blue hair net and a surgical mask. Sensing the increasing nervous energy/anxiety in the room, I threw on the scrubs and put the hair net over my face like some big blue bee keeper. Perhaps not the most sophisticated look, but it did help to lighten the mood.
As time passed from mid-evening to late night on the last day of February, we waited and waited to be called by the doctors. As we would later find out, two emergency deliveries were rushed into the delivery rooms and delayed Henry & Emma’s ultimate arrival. (The babies from both the those emergency deliveries were born healthy).
About 11:30pm the doctors finally came in to take Elese into the delivery room. Because Henry (Baby A) had moved in the womb to feet-facing-down, it was determined that the babies would have to be delivered via cesarean. While a routine procedure and something that we had prepared for, this new reality significantly complicated the delivery. Either way, the first step was administering an epidural block to manage the pain associated with the procedure. The epidural is applied through the spinal canal – but because of Elese’s back surgery and the hardware affixed to her spine, it was nearly impossible to find a suitable approach to her spinal canal. UCSF’s head of anesthesiology was incredible and worked for over an hour to find a solution – even going so far as looking up an approach used in the 1950’s by the Soviets. Meanwhile Elese fought through excruciating pain for more than an hour while the doctors tried to find a solution. Elese knew that if the epidural didn’t work than the only safe solution was a general anesthetic – and that meant that I would not be able to be in the delivery room and would not be able to witness the children’s birth. Elese was absolutely heroic, as were the doctors in their efforts. Ultimately a general anesthetic was required. [Elese: Definitely not the best hour of my life. I was hunched over a table while the doctors kept sticking a needle in my back. Every time I would have to let them know where the pain was so I would scream "BACK!" or "LEGS!" At the same time I was having labor contractions only 1-2 minutes apart. Finally, the doctors said that the babies were under too much stress and needed to come out.]
I was crushed when I found out that I was not going to be allowed to be in the room. I nervously paced outside the double doors of the surgery wing as I awaited news. Luckily the doors that separated the surgery wing from the Maternity wing (where Elese’s hospital room was located) were so close to the delivery room where the babies were being born that I could listen to what was going on. You could hear the tense but focused communication between the several doctors and natal teams in the room. You could hear the instructions to begin the cesarean procedure. About 30 seconds of silence after the command to begin, suddenly the quiet was broken by WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! And about three minutes after that you could hear a second, higher pitched WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Early morning on the first of March 2009, Henry and Emma were born.
Later the doctor would tell me that Henry was born and was immediately crying (as is natural and is the mechanism that kick starts their breathing), but when Emma was born, she did not immediately respond, perhaps thinking that she was still in the womb. That lasted until, the doctor’s words, Henry screamed at her, which woke her up and she quickly started breathing on her own.
Soon after, the delivery teams brought out Henry and Emma and presented them to me – the most sublime and overwhelming moment of my life! – I then had the honor of presenting H&E to the rest of the family. As the family was meeting the twinzos for the first time, we anxiously awaited an update on Elese’s condition. The head anesthesiologist came out and told me and the family that Elese had come through the procedure just fine but was still recovering and heavily sedated. The medical teams would be carefully monitoring her for up to an additional hour in the surgery wing before moving her to a recovery room.
Elese and I had discussed before the surgery began and it was decided that I would stay with the children at all times until the four of us could be reunited. As such, I accompanied H&E to the well-baby nursery in order for them to get their full newborn examination. As I stayed with the babies, Pop and Jack vigilantly checked on Elese’s recovery.
Through the plate glass of the nursery, Granny, Nanna, Uncle Jamie, Pop, and Uncle Jack stopped by to look at the babies. Finally, after the better part of an hour, the babies were discharged from the Nursery and we all eagerly awaited Elese’s arrival in the recovery room.
Elese struggled to come out of the fog of the anesthesia – she had been through a lot and it had taken a significant physical toll – she was still in and out – you could see her fighting the medication as though she needed just a fleeting moment of lucidity. As she finally achieved a second or two of consciousness, Elese simply uttered “Are the babies okay?” When I assured her that they were, she fell back asleep.
As she held her babies for the first time, Elese uttered, “I have been waiting for this my whole life.” The moment was so moving that our wonderful nurse, Kylie, was overcome with emotion and had to excuse herself momentarily.
Since that faithful night, I have carried the feeling of overwhelming fortune and love for Elese, Henry and Emma. No matter how hard I try, I cannot make sense of how lucky I am.
-Daddy
Henry
Emma
(By Nanna)
I remember the day and night of Emma and Henry’s birth so clearly.
Wondering with each visit of a doctor or nurse if this would be the day or they would prolong it.
Watching Gusty update the information board in Elese’s room with up-to-date drawings of the latest happenings.
Knowing that we should all leave and let Elese and Gusty do this on their own…. But not able to.
So hard to watch your very special daughter in pain, not being able to help, seeing the great disappointment in Gusty when they would not allow him in the delivery room.
The glimpse of Elese and Gusty in the first seconds of being a family of four when Gusty introduced Emma and Henry to their mother.
All my love, Nanna
(By Pop)
I remember distinctly my concern for my daughter who was determined to have a block [spinal] so that Gusty could be with her for the birth. It made me think back to the times when my children were born and not only could I not be with Lecie, but I was unable to hold my children until they were released from the hospital to come home. Even though I was a physician on staff and could go into the newborn nursery to see other children, the rules were so firm that I was not allowed to see my own babies except through a glass window.
I also won’t forget the joy of holding Emma and Henry just minutes after their birth and watching the pride in their father’s eyes.
It brought back a time when after Jack was born and he was brought out of the delivery suite into the newborn nursery. I was with Lecie’s parents and said “he looks just like me.” As you probably realize, he looks nothing like me. Parents of newborns live in a different world.
-Pop
(By Uncle Jack)
Elese seeming never to lose her patience during a long week of bed-rest and not being allowed to eat – in case each day was the day for her section.
Gusty’s growing familiarity with take-out from the limited dining options in walking distance of the hospital while he and Elese were stuck there for a week.
Elese’s heroic patience and determination while Dr. Bogetz tried for an hour or two to get an epidural past her titanium hardware.
All of our collective stress wondering what was going on while Dr. Bogetz tried for an hour or two to get an epidural past her titanium hardware.
Seeing the enormous smile on Gusty’s face as he finally got to meet Henry and Emma and eventually held them both in the newborn nursery.
Getting to see those two beautiful babies myself later that night.
Seeing Elese wheeled back to a room, and getting the sense that despite her significant pain as the general anesthesia wore off, she knew that everything was right with the world and that she was the mommy of two fantastic kids.
-Uncle Jack
(By Uncle Jamie)
I remember having to park across the street and make my way up to the floor Elese was on. On the afternoon of the birth it was becoming increasingly evident that Elese was ready to bring H&E into this world and out of her poor overworked body. As family members from both sides continued to crowd the room where Elese and Gusty were stationed it was clear that nobody in the family had forgotten their personality. It was the type of tension that you could cut with a karate chop so in an attempt to make Elese better equipped to deal with the circumstances Gusty and I asked Elese if she could have anything to eat what would it be. I don't think anyone was shocked when Elese chose Fried Chicken as her dinner of choice.
After finally getting the food, the trip back to the hospital took equally long and by the time we returned it had been 2 hours since we ventured off on our mission to the mission. Okay Okay sure it took forever (for a number of reasons) but we were coming back with a fried bird that was sure to appeal to Elese's heightened sense of smell. I can still remember walking into the room feeling like we had really brought the situation some delicious sanity only to hear that as per Doctors orders Elese was no longer allowed to eat as she was going into labor and the kiddos were coming that night.
Initial feelings of excitement rushed over me like an unexpected diaper change. I was so happy to meet my niece and nephew however something was terribly wrong. The fried fragrance that had joined the party was more torture on Elese's super scent as it provided a tease of what she could not have. Being the sweet brother in law that I am I offered to eat the chicken in the bathroom where we could hide the torture (this should give you an idea of the egg shells we were walking on). [Elese: I didn't make them eat the chicken in the bathroom! I let them torture me and eat in the room.]
Enter Personality overload! While Jack and Jack (quite rightfully) wanted a play by play from the attending Doctor, Mom was on a reclining chair to the left of the bed playing a free association game with herself. Not sure what the score was but it looked like a battle....perhaps knotted up at 0-0. Ellen was using her knowledge of the situation to explain to some of us (me) who had not been through this before how everything was going to go down. This education based approach proved to be very helpful in understanding the process all while providing way too much information for Uncle Jamie. Lecie was being Lecie which is to say she was being an incredibly warm positive force while doing whatever she could to make Elese more comfortable short of pulling the twinzos out herself.
And then there was Gusty who worked the white board to make sure the stick figure depiction of himself looked good. Additionally Gusty had drawn a picture of Elese, Shakka and Jax who would all be joined by Henry and Emma in the coming hours. I think it was right about now that things started to get a little too tense, too crowded, too much! Needless to say, since that evening I have become a huge fan of the "adult timeout." As Gusty and Elese understandably needed a few minutes to themselves they requested that the rest of us "take a walk" or "check out the waiting room." The thing about that was I was still with the entertainment and just because we were no longer in the room with the soon to be parents doesn't mean everyone stopped methods of self-preservation. In fact I can still remember seeing both Jack and Jack talking to another Doctor in the hallway while Mom and Lecie held down the fort in the waiting room. It didn't take more than a second for me to realize that I was being recruited for the second half of the free association game at which point I decided to go look at some babies.....any babies.
It was incredible to me how small human beings can be. I mean some of these babies could fit in the palm of my hand and I'm French. As I strolled the hallways it really hit me that this was happening and that everyone's life was about to change in an incredible way. After what seemed like an eternity we were invited back in the room before Elese was wheeled into the birth room. Once all were accounted for it was clear that the tension level had returned in spades and what happened next made me very very sad. Due to the fact that Elese was having a caesarean nobody was allowed to be in the room - nobody at all which included Gusty. It has never been easy to see something hurt Gusty however this was a different can of worms. My first inclination was grab the Doc by his stethoscope and have a chat with him down the hall however I am not sure that would have been the most prudent move. I think Bullying Science is the 1st cousin of ambushing logic and I will be the first to admit that out of everyone in the room I was the least qualified to handle the situation. None the less it hurt me a great deal to see Gusty dealing with this news.
Enter Tact - with a casual hand on the shoulder I asked Gusty if he was alright. I am sure the roller coaster of emotions had taken a toll on him however he was able to look at me like a straight faced smurf (due to the amazing scrubs he was rocking) and say everyone needs to chill out, everyone needs to give him a moment. It is not very often that I am included in that "everyone" however it was clear that this was different. As the family waited in the hospital room Gusty waited somewhat patiently outside the birth room which was right across the hall from where we were located. After what felt like another 9 months the doors opened and there they were....baby a and baby b!
I think it is very important to point out that the look on Gusty's face was not something I had ever seen before. The pure joy that exuded from him was enough to make Jimmy Denis breakdown and cry. If anything could ever rival the true happiness from August 4th, 2007, it was happening right in from of us on March 1st, 2009.
As Elese recovered I watched the kiddos through the nursery window where several tests were being conducted. The only frustrating part for me was that I could only identify Henry and Emma without any clothes on. After they were swaddled I had the sneaking suspicion that the nurses were playing “2 baby Monty" with me. This was obviously not the case, however it was 3am and my mind goes funny places sometimes. At this point Anne Cain, who was working in the hospital, popped up to take a look which was great because I had been peppering her with questions all week. Eventually I was able to hold both Henry and Emma and what an incredible feeling it was. I will never forget the first time I had them both in my arms....had to be one of the happiest moments of my life! We were a ways down in the far hallway and it was silent. I sat on a rolling hospital bed and held these two complete bundles of joy, one in each arm, and was incredibly moved by the moment.
After a little more recovery I was allowed to say hello to Elese which I am sure she remembers well (!). The relief that washed over us when the Doctor told us Elese was going to be just fine was like a tidal wave of comfort. Little did we know that surfing that wave was Elese's belly button which had fallen off course due to some internal maneuvering on H&E's part. This remains and will always remain a point of complete and utter humor for me. Once Mom had a chance to spend some time with the kids and debate over who they looked like we decided to call it a night, an incredible night at that. On the way back to my place in Sausalito Mom and I spoke about the joy, excitement and complete exhaustion. As we neared 3rd street off of Richardson Mom put in a request for what else? Ice cream. We finished off the night with a couple of pints of Ben and Jerry's in Sausalito while the twin half pints enjoyed (somewhat) their first night of sleep in the world.
I consider myself wildly lucky to have such a great family and especially honored to be the uncle of the best twinzos in the entire world.
With Love,
Uncle Jamie
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